Ben Arfa's Newcastle Hell Ended by Geordie Bruce.

Many (too many) words have been written about Hatem Ben Arfa in the past year or so. Here are some more to round off the latest perplexing saga in the North-East. Newcastle fans have tended to use his potentially world-beating talent as a vehicle from which to take aim at manager Alan Pardew. Every poor performance in the Frenchman's absence would be accompanied by pro-Ben Arfa chants, designed to undermine the manager and paint the Gallic maestro as some kind of wronged political prisoner under the Ashley/Pardew regime. Che Guevara banners have become common-place in recent months. He was even forced to cancel a 'meet and greet' with fans in local venue 'The Back Page', amid club fears of whipping up some kind of anti-establishment frenzy.

There is another school of thought, one that suggests Ben Arfa's inability to track back or work as part of a tight unit was detrimental to the team spirit of Newcastle United. This has consistently been the official line coming from Pardew, and it has been suggested that the rest of the squad share this point of view, ever since last autumn's 3-2 defeat to Everton, where Ben Arfa was replaced at half-time with the score at 3-0. Ever since, he struggled to get games.

The truth, as ever, lies somewhere in between. Ben Arfa is a talent that no amount of fancy-dan recruitment can hope to replace. Remy Cabella, although excellent for Montpellier last season, does not yet fully convince as a focal creative point for an aspiring Premier League attack. More should have been done by Pardew to integrate Ben Arfa into a unit that has all too often appeared negative and anything but tight. This calendar year has seen Newcastle display relegation form, and while the Frenchman has been packed off to Hull for the remainder of his contract, Pardew must do a hell of a lot more to prove he has learnt his lessons. A talent such as Ben Arfa's should have been given more trust and room to breathe.

Yet, as Pardew will undoubtedly argue, Ben Arfa did not do quite enough on the pitch, on a sufficiently frequent basis, to earn the manager's trust. A total of 14 goals and 18 assists in 86 appearances is hardly Messi-esque, even though when he did turn it on, the fireworks were glorious. Breaking it down to cold efficient logic, even the best goals only count for one, yet the inspiration of Ben Arfa at his best lit up St James' Park, and that golden spring of 2012 will always be remembered as the time when even Pardew's handbrake was not enough to hold back a Ba/Cisse/Ben Arfa trio.

Here lies the crux. Like many on Newcastle's books (the equally banished Marveaux for one), Ben Arfa did not fit into a management style that favours hard work and industry more than anything else. Not that everyone should Berbatov their way around the pitch, but there has to be room for that lazy kind of unpredictability, the sort that gives defenders cold sweats. Siem de Jong and Cabella may yet provide the antidote to this, but surely it would have been easier to just bury the hatchet with a man who has proved he can rip the Premier League to shreds on his day.

Steve Bruce, a through-and-through Geordie (who managed Sunderland no less) will know what he is getting, and if he can coax the goods out of Ben Arfa, Pardew will look even more foolish. The best goals may only count for one, but arrogance and gross mismanagement like we have seen at Newcastle lately counts for no goals, no points, and no support.

Kinnear Resigns From World's Easiest Job.

After eight months in charge of Newcastle's overwhelmingly underwhelming transfer activity, Joe Kinnear has resigned as the club's director of football, in the latest twist of the Irishman's bizarre Tyneside adventure.

As shocked as the fans were that he was the replacement for Kevin Keegan as manager back in 2008, to be put in charge of Newcastle's recruitment drive last summer really took the biscuit for strange decisions made by Mike Ashley. Alan Pardew was already feeling the heat after a desperately disappointing 16th place last season, and Kinnear's appointment read like a blatant attempt to undermine him ahead of the new season.

Against all the odds however, Pardew has outlasted Kinnear, with the boss becoming more and more frustrated with a transfer policy that has yielded only two loan signings and the sale of star player Yohan Cabaye. Pardew, in the wake of the shocking 3-0 home defeat to Sunderland, intimated that if he was in charge of player incomings things would have been different - it looks like Kinnear has listened, and jumped before being pushed.

More cynical observers would suggest that Kinnear was merely doing the job set out for him by Ashley. Newcastle have been the most profitable club in all the most recent transfer windows, so from a business point of view the Irishman hasn't done badly. From a football point of view however, the perspective that the manager and fans hold, he badly let the club down. In a season of transition for all the top clubs, with a bit of ambition Newcastle could have been fighting it out for fourth place. Instead, a top-half finish will take some doing, with form and morale low.

Ambition doesn't have to mean splashing millions out on players the club can't afford, as was the case when Freddie Shepherd held ownership. However, to not ensure the replacement of players like Cabaye, or properly strengthen the attack, leaves Newcastle in danger of losing what quality they have. Yet again, an opportunity has been missed, and one suspects that with Ashley in charge the pattern will continue.

Murky Waters Of The Tyne.

The bell for round two was sounded on Monday evening, taking the form of a referee’s whistle. This season threatened to be more of the same for Newcastle before a ball had even been kicked, with a summer of unsatisfactory transfer (in)activity behind them.

Within 45 minutes at the Etihad Stadium, two goals down and a man light, the Magpies were on the ropes, already struggling for breath, looking to their corner for inspiration. They could have been forgiven for wondering exactly who to turn to. Alan Pardew brought smiles to the faces of players and fans alike with a stunning first full season in charge, but lately has been giving the impression of a joyless puppet, as the walls close in around him.

Joe Kinnear was brought in to help the boss with transfers, yet the only addition to the squad has been the on-loan signing of a player, Loic Remy, who Newcastle nearly signed in January. Oh, and since then he has become embroiled in controversial off-the-pitch legal stew. Valid questions can be asked about his temperament, but his ability and strike-rate for another struggling side in QPR cannot be denied.

The summer has mainly seen the dream team of Pardew and Kinnear making noises about possible signings, with ‘getting them over the line’ being the buzz phrase of choice. Well as things stand, getting the ball over one line and keeping it from crossing another are both proving troublesome. With Steven Taylor banned for three games, and Santon remaining inexplicably injured, Mike Williamson is within touching distance of game time, an outcome that will leave many heads in hands.

To get the season on the right track, and avoid a relegation scrap, many things are required. Unfortunately, a change of manager (and director of football for that matter) should be high on the agenda, as even that would lead to better performances from a group of players that have lost their motivation, their drive, and pride for the shirt, if it ever existed in the first place for the Frenchmen.

Next, is a replacement for Yohan Cabaye, who, while immensely talented, is obviously unhappy on Tyneside. A winger, a forward, and another centre-back are also needed, before anyone else even leaves. One thing is for sure – Cabaye is what attracted a lot of the better French players to the club. With his departure, many will follow.

With home games against West Ham and Fulham to come, four points are a minimum requirement for anyone looking to claim Newcastle are heading in the right direction. A small percentage of Newcastle fans will doubtlessly be hoping for a complete implosion in the next couple of weeks in order to rid themselves of the unholy trinity, but one would hope the eleven that takes the field will retain a decent level of support, or the club may find itself in a relegation tailspin that no manager can reverse.

How to Ward Off Count Suarez

<sup>Luis Suarez, having revealed himself to be an unlikely rival to Edward and Bella in the 'most popular vampire' stakes, will next be striking at Newcastle's home, St James' Park. This being an occasion with many thousands of people attending, will be the perfect chance for this particular day-vampire to continue his old-fashioned brand of retribution on society.

All hope is of course not lost. There are measures dating back centuries for people wishing to rid their midst of the neck-guzzling enemy.

Rob Elliott in the Newcastle goal would be well-advised to decorate his posts with branches of wild rose and hawthorn plant. Or, to the horror of any nearby stewards and camera-men, garlic. Such a devise would ideally send Suarez scurrying back to his Anfield hideout. Human safety aside, Newcastle's hopes of securing a surely relegation-banishing three points would be boosted no end.

Alan Pardew could also hang a mirror facing outwards from the Liverpool changing room door. Vampires are said in some cultures to not have a soul, and the lack of shadow, or reflection from Suarez will scare him off.

One other method of vampire protection is quite simple - do not invite them into your home. However, Mike Ashley the Newcastle owner already made this mistake by permitting the Uruguayan on the premises during last season's 2-0 win for the Toon. Now he may come and go as he pleases.

Should these methods prove unsuccessful, there are many methods of destruction. However, with this particular author unwilling to be seen to be encouraging any criminal activity, you will have to use your imaginations and do your own research!

With Suarez now having been involved in two seperate biting incidents on a football pitch, the Magpies would be forgiven for wearing a bit more neck-protecting headwear than normal. 

They may also have concerns about how they will protect themselves in a footballing sense against the soulless South American, as they continue to struggle against another relegation. Defeat on Saturday may prove another stake to the heart of their top-flight soul, and they've been looking rather pale for awhile now.</sup>

FA Cup analysis

The problem a lot of sports journalists must face is the pressure of knowing everything that’s happening all the time. When it comes to reporting on action, this undoubtedly leads to commenting on matches that you haven’t seen, relying on second-hand accounts. In this piece, there will be no stooping to that level, as praise the Lord I had a Saturday off from my part-time job for the first time in many weeks.

My FA Cup odyssey began with the visit of Newcastle to Brighton’s American Express Community Stadium. After last year’s round four upset thanks to a Mike Williamson own-goal, the travelling support was understandably nervous. Myself being a Newcastle fan, I too approached this match from my armchair with a certain trepidation.

Needless to say, the match did nothing to lift my Toon-related spirits. Brighton were first to every ball, and didn’t even play their best football. Two-nil was a scoreline that flattered Newcastle, and Pardew was spot on when he hinted that many of his side shouldn’t have been on the pitch. Of course, Shola Ameobi sorted that one out for himself by getting sent off – rather unlucky to be shown red of course.

As for Pardew’s immediate future, one can only hope that the board show patience. Here is the side that could have been pieced together from those absent at the weekend. Krul, Simpson, Taylor, Collocini, Taylor, Ben Arfa, Tiote, Cabaye, Jonas, Cisse, Vuckic (not even mentioning the departed Ba). When you add Sylvan Marveaux into that mix, who was restricted to appearing from the bench after a hectic Christmas period, you can plainly see that Pardew had very little to work with. Of course, that doesn’t excuse the lack of motivation on display, but after such a dispiriting run of late, confidence is not easy to come by.

To lift the spirits I decided to check in on Demba Ba’s new club Chelsea, and their trip to Southampton. The match took a similar narrative to the recent Capital One Cup victory over Leeds, where a 1-0 deficit turned to a 5-1 tonking quite quickly. The likes of Hazard, Mata, Oscar, and Lampard, look tailor made for Ba to continue his incredible goalscoring achievements since coming to England, and his two goals got him off to the ideal start at his new club. Southampton weren’t exactly awful, but Chelsea in that mood will give anybody a game.

I get the sense that Rafa Benitez is slowly winning over his new fanbase. Far from strangling his team’s attacking style, what is now emerging is controlled aggression. A solid base to work from, with Luiz further up the pitch to limit his mistakes, is leading to success, bar the fluke defeat at home to QPR.  With such an array of attacking talent, even the most defensive tacticians around would succeed, as the individual flair on show is second to none. With Ba now perhaps overthrowing the meek and inconsistent Torres as Chelsea’s focal point, we may see an even more ruthless Chelsea as the season wears on. I for one would love to see them make a concerted effort to at least make the top two. Don’t rule out a surprise title challenge.

To complete the trio of viewing, West Ham hosted Man United. In the happiest of homecomings, JC twice assisted another JC as two goal-bound headers threatened to end Man United’s league and cup double dreams at the first hurdle. Sam Allardyce’s side were their usual mischevious selves, as they caused many problems to the ailing United defence.

Then Robin Van Persie happened.

A wonderful pass from Ryan Giggs found Van Persie with a bit of space, and in the blink of an eye, another late show from the Red Devils had come to pass. Even the ITV commentary team seemed lost for words as the inevitable dagger to West Ham hearts was drawn. I am no fan of Manchester United, but their powers of recovery are outstanding, and they play brilliant football.

I have always been one to advocate the leakiest of defences, as long as enough goals are scored to paper over the cracks, as it makes for fantastic viewing. That’s why I would make an awful manager, as I would not have the same deadly frontline as Sir Alex does. No wonder he refuses to quit – he must be having the time of his life.

The alternative Sunday paper..

There's only one place to start dissecting yesterday's action, and that place is Old Trafford, where Tottenham grabbed their first league win at the home of Man United for 23 years. It's fair to say that Andre Villas-Boas' reign as Spurs manager, having begun to gather momentum since those awkward opening encounters, has just slipped into a high gear. It's only one match, but the mental effect of claiming such a prized scalp can only benefit all concerned.

A key criticism of AVB's ill-fated period in charge of Chelsea was his poor record against the league's bigger sides. He certainly never managed an away win against any of the superpowers. Yesterday's 3-2 win puts that issue to bed. Admittedly, the ease with which the likes of Lennon and Bale waltzed through the United defence is not befitting of a club aiming to win back their title from the noisy neighbours. Still, the counter-attacking verve shown by Spurs in that first-half was well-deserving of all three points.

The main cause for concern in Sir Alex's post-match post-mortem would be the holes that his defence left - in particular Rio Ferdinand, whose inability to keep pace with Gareth Bale for the second goal will have given his boss food for thought ahead of the January transfer window. Many scoffed at the millions spent on Robin Van Persie when reinforcements were so desperately needed further back. Having said that, a midfield containing the ageing trio of Scholes, Giggs and Carrick is hardly likely to provide the most energetic or solid cover.

To add a touch of comedy to proceeedings, Sir Alex then had the gall to complain about the amount of time added on at the end of the game. Apparently four minutes wasn't enough. We all have a good laugh about 'Fergie time' but he verges on self-parody with this comment.

I quote, "It denies you a proper chance to win a football match." Where to start!? Well first of all, Spurs seemed to be able to win the match just fine. Also, one can't help but notice the liberal use of the word 'win'. Did he really think his team would score two goals in the time he claims that should have been added on? I suppose the man has been spoilt with late comebacks of that nature. I also suppose that he was merely deflecting criticism away from his side's sub-par performance. But hey, the man gives good soundbites - who am I to ignore them.

Moving on then, and the Brendan Rogers era is also looking much brighter this morning, after Liverpool's 5-2 win at Norwich, featuring a hat-trick from their main man Luis Suarez - a few other players even decided to pitch in at last. They also could potentially have had a sixth goal - if only someone other than the Uruguayan had been on the recieving end of that Leon Barnett challenge.

Edin Dzeko rescued Man City from dropping more points at Fulham, while boss Mancini attempted to paper over the gaping cracks in their title defence by claiming that the decisions are going against his side.

The one team where everything seems rosy in the garden (well maybe not John Terry) is Chelsea. A 2-1 win over Arsenal sent them three points clear, which is a hell of a lot at this early stage of the season. They benefited from some wayward shooting from Arsenal's Oliver Giroud - although it wasn't quite as easy as some were claiming, considering the widening angle and defender in his way.

As for Newcastle - Demba Ba again salvaged a point for his side with another two goals. The rest of Pardew's side better start turning up soon though, or this year's European sojourn will not be repeated next year. It's ok though - Pardew has eight years to get it right.

I wouldn't bet against Everton being this year's surprise package - but is it that much of a surprise? Three more points for them, and they climb to second.

See you tomorrow!

Rounding Up Some Choice Recent Events.

A second home defeat in three days for Manchester City has given the rest of the Premier League, particularly Tottenham, some hope. Are the Eastlands rabble in crisis? Compared to their flying start to the season, you could say yes. But using a shred of good sense and perspective the answer would have to be a resounding no.

In the post-match inquest, Mancini looked rather flustered and animated when faced with the glare of BBC cameras. Perhaps he is trying to live up to higher boardroom expectations than my own expectations of his side. I am not sure any club that is three points clear of the pack in January, having not won a title since 1968, should be under too much pressure.

'But they spent all that money' the naysayers will cry. Well the last time I checked, money didn't guarantee success, it doesn't guarantee luck, and it certainly doesn't guarantee a tight-knit squad of players willing to walk on coals for each other. If anything, Mancini should have had the guts to make a few less big-money marquee signings and more high-energy players that could punch above their weight. I'm thinking along the lines of Scott Parker. Of course, having learnt from his bench-warming experiences at Chelsea that would be a terrible career move for him and he would always have been back-up to the immovable Yaya Toure, but a couple more back-up characters of his ilk, particularly in defence would have seen Man City turn in a more competitive display than they did against Liverpool. Instead, the loss of Silva, Kompany and the Toures turned them into a soulless husk of a side.

The lack of atmosphere at Eastlands can hardly have helped. I know its only the Carling Cup but if you've spent the money to take your place in the stands then a few upbeat chants to try and get the team moving surely can't be too much to ask. In turn, Liverpool had a game plan that worked to perfection. With Andy Carroll the lone striker upfront they were never going to outscore City in an open free-flowing game. So they kept things tight, correctly guessed that City's slow buildup would play into their hands, and they take a crucial advantage back to Anfield.

In a week of Cup comebacks, Thierry Henry and Paul Scholes made winning (but not entirely successful in Scholes' case) returns to their once adoring fanbases. Henry rolled back the years to send Arsenal through to round four with a splendid finish.

Paul Scholes was a strange one. Having not seen the match live, or its build-up, I was stunned to hear a work colleague later talking about the ginger maestro being at fault for the second City goal. 'That's a bit harsh', I thought. 'He's only a coach.' As it turns out, until the end of the season he is not only a coach. As a money-saving favour to Fergie and the Glazers, this should somewhat abate the calls for Wesley Sneijder to be brought to Old Trafford dead or alive, at least until the summer.

Speaking of rumoured transfers that will probably wait until the summer, Newcastle's Demba Ba is a busy man. Not only is he trying to fire Senegal to African Nations glory, he is the current subject of a frenzied auction, with the asking price being whatever figure Harry Redknapp dreams up next. Honestly, does the Spurs manager have nothing better to do? As his outspoken approaches for the likes of Cahill and Samba have since proven, no he does not.

As for Ba himself, well he seems happy enough until the summer, despite his professed interest in a potential move to PSG. Mike Ashley (I won't pretend Pardew has anything to do with contracts or transfers) will have to get his skates on to get a new contract tied up. Even if this only delays a transfer by six months, the asking price would at least be ramped up to one more reflecting of his ability.

And that my friends, is that.