Deadline Day Fun!

By far and away the biggest transfer deadline day story; Harry Redknapp, in navigating his way through a path of journalists, did not wind his window down. On the subject of his own wheeler-dealing (hopefully he's not reading this), Fabio Borini is rumoured to be on his way to Loftus Road for a reported £10m from Liverpool. Injury prone? Check. High wages? Check. Over 30? Not by a long shot. The 23-year-old is a good prospect who could yet make it in England, judging by his part in another Houdini act last season at Sunderland. However, with QPR's general dealing remaining exclusively to big names, it remains to be seen whether they will be suited to a relegation battle. Big-money additions, Leroy Fer and Jordan Mutch, are both highly regarded, but both suffered the drop last season. Fer in particular received mixed reviews from Norwich fans on his ability to track back and work hard.

One player who is more than willing to put in the donkey work for the greater good is Danny Welbeck. News of an imminent loan move to Arsenal is being greeted with some howls of derision by some Arsenal fans, who after seeing their club spend an unheard of £40m on Alexis Sanchez, are frustrated at an apparent signing that they feel to be beneath them. How dare they resort to signing a fourth-choice Man United reserve? In reality, it should not be that simple. Welbeck has always had the utmost potential, and has been unfairly regarded as an unsexy English clogger. He has an excellent burst of pace, and possesses the kind of explosive attributes that the always silky-smooth Arsenal attack misses in the absence of Theo Walcott (not that Welbeck would ever catch Walcott in a 100m race). Adding that to Sanchez, Sanogo, and Podolski (with Giroud and Walcott still to return), Arsene Wenger would be happy with his options, given the formidable array of attacking midfielders they possess. Big names and big money do not always equal success.

Having said that, Man United's summer spending is beginning to resemble a child blindly (no pun intended) swinging at a bountiful pinata. Luke Shaw, Angel Di Maria, Daley Blind, Ander Herrera, and now Falcao, must be leaving David Moyes seething with jealousy, despite the glee he must at least somewhat be feeling at Louis Van Gaal's underwhelming results to date. The Dutchman's selection headaches will be reaching migraine proportions when he jots the names down on paper, but at least Tom Cleverley looks to be one name he can rub off the list of mediocrity, as he seems to be close to a move to Aston Villa.

As a Newcastle fan, what began as an exciting summer sprinkled with actual signings rather than know-nothing directors of football, has fizzled out into one that still requires further reinforcements, particularly at the back. Mike Williamson has performed admirably at times, but should not be a first-choice any higher than the relegation battlers. Steven Taylor's career at the top level has passed him by, and captain Coloccini is beginning to show his lack of pace as he approaches his mid-30s. Alan Pardew is past his sell-by-date and working for an owner who doesn't care about the club beyond its useful function as a cash cow. The only progress from last season will be in a downward direction unless serious changes happen at both board and dug-out level.

With three hours to go at the time of writing, there is still the chance of Wenger ensnaring Messi, as the Barca galactico is taking part in a charity match that the Frenchman is attending. In Wenger We Trust. Until he doesn't spend a trillion billion pounds on a striker that is. Happy deadline day!

Murky Waters Of The Tyne.

The bell for round two was sounded on Monday evening, taking the form of a referee’s whistle. This season threatened to be more of the same for Newcastle before a ball had even been kicked, with a summer of unsatisfactory transfer (in)activity behind them.

Within 45 minutes at the Etihad Stadium, two goals down and a man light, the Magpies were on the ropes, already struggling for breath, looking to their corner for inspiration. They could have been forgiven for wondering exactly who to turn to. Alan Pardew brought smiles to the faces of players and fans alike with a stunning first full season in charge, but lately has been giving the impression of a joyless puppet, as the walls close in around him.

Joe Kinnear was brought in to help the boss with transfers, yet the only addition to the squad has been the on-loan signing of a player, Loic Remy, who Newcastle nearly signed in January. Oh, and since then he has become embroiled in controversial off-the-pitch legal stew. Valid questions can be asked about his temperament, but his ability and strike-rate for another struggling side in QPR cannot be denied.

The summer has mainly seen the dream team of Pardew and Kinnear making noises about possible signings, with ‘getting them over the line’ being the buzz phrase of choice. Well as things stand, getting the ball over one line and keeping it from crossing another are both proving troublesome. With Steven Taylor banned for three games, and Santon remaining inexplicably injured, Mike Williamson is within touching distance of game time, an outcome that will leave many heads in hands.

To get the season on the right track, and avoid a relegation scrap, many things are required. Unfortunately, a change of manager (and director of football for that matter) should be high on the agenda, as even that would lead to better performances from a group of players that have lost their motivation, their drive, and pride for the shirt, if it ever existed in the first place for the Frenchmen.

Next, is a replacement for Yohan Cabaye, who, while immensely talented, is obviously unhappy on Tyneside. A winger, a forward, and another centre-back are also needed, before anyone else even leaves. One thing is for sure – Cabaye is what attracted a lot of the better French players to the club. With his departure, many will follow.

With home games against West Ham and Fulham to come, four points are a minimum requirement for anyone looking to claim Newcastle are heading in the right direction. A small percentage of Newcastle fans will doubtlessly be hoping for a complete implosion in the next couple of weeks in order to rid themselves of the unholy trinity, but one would hope the eleven that takes the field will retain a decent level of support, or the club may find itself in a relegation tailspin that no manager can reverse.

How to Ward Off Count Suarez

<sup>Luis Suarez, having revealed himself to be an unlikely rival to Edward and Bella in the 'most popular vampire' stakes, will next be striking at Newcastle's home, St James' Park. This being an occasion with many thousands of people attending, will be the perfect chance for this particular day-vampire to continue his old-fashioned brand of retribution on society.

All hope is of course not lost. There are measures dating back centuries for people wishing to rid their midst of the neck-guzzling enemy.

Rob Elliott in the Newcastle goal would be well-advised to decorate his posts with branches of wild rose and hawthorn plant. Or, to the horror of any nearby stewards and camera-men, garlic. Such a devise would ideally send Suarez scurrying back to his Anfield hideout. Human safety aside, Newcastle's hopes of securing a surely relegation-banishing three points would be boosted no end.

Alan Pardew could also hang a mirror facing outwards from the Liverpool changing room door. Vampires are said in some cultures to not have a soul, and the lack of shadow, or reflection from Suarez will scare him off.

One other method of vampire protection is quite simple - do not invite them into your home. However, Mike Ashley the Newcastle owner already made this mistake by permitting the Uruguayan on the premises during last season's 2-0 win for the Toon. Now he may come and go as he pleases.

Should these methods prove unsuccessful, there are many methods of destruction. However, with this particular author unwilling to be seen to be encouraging any criminal activity, you will have to use your imaginations and do your own research!

With Suarez now having been involved in two seperate biting incidents on a football pitch, the Magpies would be forgiven for wearing a bit more neck-protecting headwear than normal. 

They may also have concerns about how they will protect themselves in a footballing sense against the soulless South American, as they continue to struggle against another relegation. Defeat on Saturday may prove another stake to the heart of their top-flight soul, and they've been looking rather pale for awhile now.</sup>

The alternative Sunday paper..

There's only one place to start dissecting yesterday's action, and that place is Old Trafford, where Tottenham grabbed their first league win at the home of Man United for 23 years. It's fair to say that Andre Villas-Boas' reign as Spurs manager, having begun to gather momentum since those awkward opening encounters, has just slipped into a high gear. It's only one match, but the mental effect of claiming such a prized scalp can only benefit all concerned.

A key criticism of AVB's ill-fated period in charge of Chelsea was his poor record against the league's bigger sides. He certainly never managed an away win against any of the superpowers. Yesterday's 3-2 win puts that issue to bed. Admittedly, the ease with which the likes of Lennon and Bale waltzed through the United defence is not befitting of a club aiming to win back their title from the noisy neighbours. Still, the counter-attacking verve shown by Spurs in that first-half was well-deserving of all three points.

The main cause for concern in Sir Alex's post-match post-mortem would be the holes that his defence left - in particular Rio Ferdinand, whose inability to keep pace with Gareth Bale for the second goal will have given his boss food for thought ahead of the January transfer window. Many scoffed at the millions spent on Robin Van Persie when reinforcements were so desperately needed further back. Having said that, a midfield containing the ageing trio of Scholes, Giggs and Carrick is hardly likely to provide the most energetic or solid cover.

To add a touch of comedy to proceeedings, Sir Alex then had the gall to complain about the amount of time added on at the end of the game. Apparently four minutes wasn't enough. We all have a good laugh about 'Fergie time' but he verges on self-parody with this comment.

I quote, "It denies you a proper chance to win a football match." Where to start!? Well first of all, Spurs seemed to be able to win the match just fine. Also, one can't help but notice the liberal use of the word 'win'. Did he really think his team would score two goals in the time he claims that should have been added on? I suppose the man has been spoilt with late comebacks of that nature. I also suppose that he was merely deflecting criticism away from his side's sub-par performance. But hey, the man gives good soundbites - who am I to ignore them.

Moving on then, and the Brendan Rogers era is also looking much brighter this morning, after Liverpool's 5-2 win at Norwich, featuring a hat-trick from their main man Luis Suarez - a few other players even decided to pitch in at last. They also could potentially have had a sixth goal - if only someone other than the Uruguayan had been on the recieving end of that Leon Barnett challenge.

Edin Dzeko rescued Man City from dropping more points at Fulham, while boss Mancini attempted to paper over the gaping cracks in their title defence by claiming that the decisions are going against his side.

The one team where everything seems rosy in the garden (well maybe not John Terry) is Chelsea. A 2-1 win over Arsenal sent them three points clear, which is a hell of a lot at this early stage of the season. They benefited from some wayward shooting from Arsenal's Oliver Giroud - although it wasn't quite as easy as some were claiming, considering the widening angle and defender in his way.

As for Newcastle - Demba Ba again salvaged a point for his side with another two goals. The rest of Pardew's side better start turning up soon though, or this year's European sojourn will not be repeated next year. It's ok though - Pardew has eight years to get it right.

I wouldn't bet against Everton being this year's surprise package - but is it that much of a surprise? Three more points for them, and they climb to second.

See you tomorrow!